20 minute rule, Sorting through the garbage pile

The 20 minute rule of all parties walking away and taking a break from the argument.

One of the hardest things in life is to take emotion out of a situation and to stop and think before we speak or react.  The 20 minute rule serves 2 purposes: The first is to give everyone a chance to calm down so things do not escalate to an uncontrollable situation. The second thing it serves is for all parties involved a  few moments to clarify the issue and sort through the garbage pile to find a resolution without violence or saying things that don't matter.

By saying doesn't matter means: When we are involved in an altercation with others and it is filled with emotion, we do not stick to the problem of the moment. We tend to just throw anything and everything into the garbage pile and worse yet never clean up the pile. So we just put more litter in the yard that never gets picked up.

Think of it this way, if there were garbage all over your front yard, how do you start to clean up the mess? One piece at a time right?

First you sort through it, make piles of importance, pulling out the recyclables, and the precious items and just the straight up garbage.

Each person involved in the garbage pile has their own recyclables and precious items that they like to cling to.

The recyclables are saved until it is time to cash them in. The precious items are kept in our memory and make up the intrical part of what makes us tick each day. The garbage is just that, GARBAGE!!!!

Sometimes what is of importance today will become part of tomorrow's trash, one day we just decide they don't matter anymore! Other things are kept for a lifetime, locked away in the soul's safety deposit box. Some precious items are positive while others are negative.

Recyclables= Issues of the situation: Old feelings, past hurts, negative pride, regret, remorse, resentment.
Precious items= a person's truth: Morals, happiness, memories (bad or good), issues etc.
The garbage=all the things that don't matter anymore and can be hauled off for good.

What is a recyclable today will be trash tomorrow. Now you start dealing with each individual recyclable, one at a time you take them and get rid of them once they are removed from the front yard you can then plant new grass or flowers there and see something bloom and grow.

The precious items can then be put into their respective holding areas and clear the yard for a nice new playground. Some precious items are kept forever others change in importance and sometimes we get rid of them and sometimes we kept them locked away for safe keeping until we want to look at them again.

The rest of what is left is just garbage that should be an easy fix, throw it in the can and let them haul it away. So your pile is never ever completely gone but it is manageable now. If you work on that pile everyday then it is always manageable.

Okay so if there are 5 people in your garbage pile then each individual has to pitch in and help make it happen. So everyone picks up one piece at a time and puts it in their perspective pile. Soon the mound of garbage starts to dwindle into something manageable.
When it is all sorted through you can then start managing it.

Sticking to the task at hand and working through it only for the time being is how change happens.  Big issues can't be solved in one fail swoop. You have to start with one pile at a time and work on it till you finish that one. Fix one thing at a time then move on to the next.

Assessing a situation and picking the most important issue at the time and working on it till it is resolved serves to get rid of one thing and room for the next to be dealt with. There is no time limit for fixing one problem, you just have to keep picking that trash up until it is time to throw it in the garbage can and let it be hauled off to the dump forever.

In conclusion when you are trying to clean up a mess you have to start somewhere and finish one task at a time before the next process can take place. After you have loaded this garbage into the can then it is time for the garbage man to come and haul it away. Therefore, you are done with that and it is never seen again.  This is a good metaphor to use when trying to explain to someone how to fix a big problem. You have to start somewhere.  So the twenty minute rule is a great tool to use when we are sorting through the garbage pile and finding the precious item at the bottom of the heap.